You have been my home for most of my life. But, alas, it is nearing the time to say goodbye. I do not know when I will be back, or even if I ever will be. Yes I will visit, I will write, but I just do not want things to "be weird." Like when you see an Ex at the bar and one of you is not "with" someone. I want things to be clearly defined, to have a sense of closure. I am trying to remember that saying..."If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it is yours forever." If we are to be together again, it just might be forever. But if I never come home again, just know that I am doing well.
In January, when my lease is done, I will be moving to Tucson, AZ. This is to get a better job with health benefits, have free rent living with my mother and sister, and maybe even finish out my degree there. Now, I could wait out for the Public health care option and stay here. Not that I don't believe in our president's plan, I do; But with the bill barely out of Congress, I really doubt my wisdom teeth pain can wait that long. I am not only leaving because my teeth hurt! I am leaving because I have been barely surviving financially and owe too many people too much money. I can't afford to drive my own car, which I hate and need a new one. I simply cannot deal with the stress of wondering if I can come up with rent while trying to study. I won't do it anymore! Even now writing this, I am having to plot how many more hours I must work, to pay rent.
But I digress, my possible return is just that: possible. Will transferring to U of A cost me to retake too many classes? Will I like whatever job I get there? Will I hate it? Will I get to a point where I go crazy living with my mother and sister? Probably. Will I make any new friends? Possibly. Will they be nearly as great as the ones I already have? No. Will I miss my friends so much that I will make it a mission to return to Denton with a vengeance and a few last classes to take? Probably. Or will I like restarting my life in Tucson so much that I will not return? VERY doubtful.
I love Denton too much. I love getting drunk at Lou's. I love being able to walk anywhere I need to go. I love late night conversations over cigarettes. Blacking out at parties, running into old acquaintances, drinking J House Coffee while pretending to study but actually getting some studying done. I love dressing like I really want to and getting away with it, shooting films, living within walking distance of all my friends, feeling like I am in a small town but still not knowing everyone, meeting weird Hobos that actually have some things to say. My bible study group, sitting in class and knowing I will have a friend to hang out with when I get out. Sharing advice and philosophies with my buddies. Crazy house parties where I know mostly everyone and some even wouldn't mind talking to me. But most of all I love Denton because it brought me and Erica together. If it was not for UNT she probably would have a gone away for college, also I probably would not have needed to find a job at bennigans and would never have met her. Also, if it was not for Denton, I would definitely not been able to afford a house with my friends to have a party at to invite her to so that I could kiss her for the first time and told her how I felt about her. Thank you Denton, one day I hope that I will find a way to return everything you have given me. But in January, I will be off to find more.
With love,
Brenden Mask
